you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
