Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
