When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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