I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
