South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
