so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
