How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Alive.
So much puke
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
