i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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