People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
