Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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