So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
