It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
