operation have a gay friend backfired
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
