her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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