we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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