I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
