I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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