so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
