4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
