I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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