If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
