I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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