you're like a bully in the Christmas story
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
