having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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