I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
