Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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