you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
