you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
