dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
