I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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