a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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