The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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