then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
