If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
