she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
