Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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