batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
