C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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