are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
