I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
