Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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