Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
