GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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