After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
