ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
