Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
