my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
