I smell stomach acid.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
