Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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