I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There are leaves in my underwear?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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