Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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