I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
