Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
