i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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