My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
