my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
