i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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