i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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