i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dicks are not precious.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
