Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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